Main Line Philly Sex - Lyric

Regretting Almost Everything is two-person musical comedy about marriage. Clay’s passion for Anne has waned, and she needs more. Anne has to tell Clay how she feels, and he has to respond, in song. We wrote a duet that is both true to their characters, and reflects the awkwardness and pain inherent in this conversation.

Below is the lyric for Main Line Philly Sex. (For those of you who don’t know, The Main Line is home to much of the “old money” in Philadelphia).

ANNE

We have Main Line Philly Sex.
Cocktail party sex.
Well-mannered and polite.
”Please pass the penis with the Pinot.”
Formal and uptight. 

CLAY

It’s old-boy network sex.
As taught at St. Joe’s Prep.
”You must as to tinker with her titties.”
Mustn’t overstep
Thoroughly-

ANNE

Benign-

CLAY

But refined.
Please and thank you.
May I spank you?
Main Line Philly Sex.

ANNE

It’s superficial sex.
Artful and well-staged.
But you are going through the motions.
Completely disengaged,
It’s mundane

CLAY

Urbane.

ANNE

Dead.

CLAY

But, well bred!
Deferential.

ANNE

Inconsequential.

ANNE & CLAY

Main Line Philly Sex.

ANNE

Clay, I need way more from you.

CLAY

You do?

ANNE

Yes. I do. I’m afraid I do.

There’s no heat.
There’s no passion.
There’s no groping,
There’s no bruising or losing control.
You touch what you’re supposed to touch,
But never stop to linger much.

Your love making is dutiful.
But you don’t make me feel
Desired or beautiful.

CLAY

You are beautiful.

ANNE

I don’t feel that way.

CLAY

I’m sorry.
I love you.
And I want to make it through.
but I am who I am,
I’m giving what i’ve got…

 It’s Episcopalian sex!
Don’t you hear the string quartet?

ANNE

No.

The music’s hushed and muted.
Hon, you don’t connect.
Remote and rote-

CLAY

I’m there. I swear

ANNE

Clay, I’m dying.

CLAY

Anne, I’m trying.

ANNE

I was offered the job at that new greeting card company in Milwaukee. Should I take it?

CLAY

I am who I am,
I’m giving what i’ve got.
Do what you have to do.