The Baby Likes Me Best - Lyric

My daughter, who lives in Chicago, gave birth to a baby girl on my birthday, January 23rd — the year of my birthday is none of your business — in 2016, my first year at NYU. Her name is Elle.

 That fall, my husband and I were hosting Thanksgiving. Elle was 10 months old. The in-laws were joining us. Four grandparents. One baby. Four grandparents, one baby? How was that going to work?

I was going to show everyone I was Elle’s favorite person. I spent the evening with Elle. I didn’t eat. I didn’t talk to anyone. I was sure the other grandparents were DEVASTATED!

Looking back, I realize the other grandparents, as well as Elle’s parents, were thrilled. They got to enjoy their meal and adult conversation. I got hungry and spit up on.

But I did get this song! (And the part about Elle liking her dog the best? True).

LYRIC:

Best Thanksgiving ever.
I spent it on the floor,
in the dog hear and the lint,
I had no interest in who else was there.
I was a man on a mission,
jockeying for position,
in the unspoken competition to get the kid.
Too bad. Anne
War is hell.
Have fun with the dog.
I’m absconding with Elle.

Anne’s a perfect grandma,
she also loves Elle dearly.
Anne’s warm and good and generous.
I mean that all sincerely!
To Anne I say,
Take a hike,
Elle is mine.
bake a cake,
Sit on a spike.
Elle is mine.
Elle and I are soulmates.
Our bond is manifest.
Why don’t you teach the dog to stay?
The baby likes me best.

The baby likes me best,
I sing to her and dance with her
The baby likes me best,
You can have rich and thin.
The baby likes me best,
We dip, we turn, we rock, we spin,
The baby clings to me — not you.
She likes me best-
I win.

True, Anne’s nicer to hamsters,
But meddlesome and most.
when life demands a snuggle,
I’ll keep you warm and cozy.
I’ll hold you close,
Till you sleep,
Don’t resist.
Don’t squirm and fight,
Go to sleep,
I insist.
I pin the little boulder
Firm against my chest,
I sway, and sway, in dire pain, I say,
“Elle, I know you like me best.”                         

The baby likes me best,
I sing to her and dance with her,
The baby likes me best,
She can have rich and thin.
The baby likes me best,
We dip, we turn, we —

“A-woof, woof, woof, woof!”
the canine barks!
“A-woof, woof, woof!”
Elle’s wide awake.
She’s on the floor. Crawl’s out the door.
Elle! You’re making a big mistake!

‘Cause there sits ANNE,
Sneaky bitch,
Set a trap.
And she’s got
Elle and the dog
In her lap.

Anne pretends she’s clueless,
She’s not! And I suggest
She not infer elle prefers her.
That’s crap!
Elle likes me best.

 The baby likes me best,
I sing to her and dance with her.
The baby likes me best,
Go away, you can’t cut in!
Before I get depressed,
Anne, take the damn dog for a spin!
Elle’s only here a couple days.
We’ve only got a couple of days…

“Woof, woof, woof, woof.”
“Woof, woof, woof, woof…”
Aw, shit!
Dog barked.
Dog wins.
Then it hits me:

Elle’s too young to know I’m best,
But come next year, I’ll win.
Maybe if Anne and the dog have died….
MAYBE IF ANNE AND THE DOG HAVE DIED…

 The baby’ll like me best,
I’ll sing to her and dance with her.
The baby’ll like me best,
You can DIE rich and thin.
The baby’ll like me best,
we’ll dip, we’ll turn, we’ll rock, we’ll spin.
The baby’ll cling to me, not you.
The baby’ll cling to me, not you.

Or you, or you, or you, or you, or you, or ESPECIALLY YOU!
She likes me best…
I win!
Elle likes me best. I win!